My mother told us bedtime stories. I listened carefully to every word.

Some of the things I learned:

Don’t eat porridge that is too hot or too cold.

It’s okay if an infinite number of princes die trying to cut through the thorns that have grown up over the castle, but the princess must be prevented from dying (although not from sexual assault) by having her fall asleep.

Chasing after the approval of a mirror for your looks is a mug’s game.

Some men think they can find their true love by trying to see who fits a shoe. 

If someone steals your princess-y clothes, no one will believe that you are a princess.

If you require suitors to perform ridiculous tasks so you don’t have to get married, one of them will find a way to cheat.

If your husband tells you not to go into a certain room, but then makes it easy for you to find the key, he’s probably playing a game you don’t want to play.

Don’t fall for beastly-looking men, because once you do, they’re going to change what they look like, anyway.

The same thing goes for frogs.